your thong is hanging out like whoa
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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