She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
