After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
