Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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