Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
