u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
