Just cropdusted the office
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
