Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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