Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
