This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Screwed.edu
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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