you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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