I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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