Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
