Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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