Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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