At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
