When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
