clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
