Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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