Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
