she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
