Buhtt sex?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
