dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
