My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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