we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
