Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize