I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
