If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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