my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
