Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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