from now on my penis is your penis
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
