I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
