Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
