Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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