I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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