He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize