Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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