They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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