weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
