It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
