Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
