Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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