You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
