sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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