I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
