someone threw a dead crab at me
I just pynch a tree in the face
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
