Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
