so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
