can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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