see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
