new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
