Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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