Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
