Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
