The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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