Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
