Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
