i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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