Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
