I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
