she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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