Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
