The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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