I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
