I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
