I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
