fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
