hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
