i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
