I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
