I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
