I have demons in me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
