smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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