What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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